Saturday, October 17, 2009

Not an Update, Just Venting

I will be updating my blog soon with pics and an update. Just wanted to drop a quick note... hope y'all don't mind.

I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest. This isn't an update, just a moment of venting. Almost like a journal entry but I'm actually allowing people to see.

Mike is an amazing guy. I am in love with him and I do believe he is my soulmate. And I have always held the belief that I would go through hell and high water for my other half. I accept that people aren't perfect. I don't want someone perfect because then where would all the fun, excitement, and, yes, drama be?

I'm not perfect either. Almost no one sees me at my worst. The days when I don't feel like being nice. When all I do is react back rudely. Not because I am purposely trying to, but usually in times of stress, I become snappy. In the past, no one would see that side of me. Simply because I kept to myself during those times. I didn't want people to see me like that, so I would go workout or make a tutorial, to relieve my stress.

Well, when you are with someone 24/7, like Mike and me, you see the good and the bad of the person. Seriously, Mike and I are attached at the hip. But that's because we WANT to be together all the time. We enjoy each others company. We understand each other.

I can't expect a person to react nicely to me all the time, especially if I come across as having an attitude, which sometimes I don't know if I am or not. In reflection, I can understand why Mike gets angry with me at times when I'm in a bad mood. I can't expect him to be sunshine and clouds all the time.

But even when we are angry with each other, we talk (and argue) it out. I am the kind of person who needs to yap and yap and yap until I feel better, I dunno why. Probably because my mother would make me talk about things over and over again when I was young, like if I were throwing a tantrum. Because it seems to release my tension.

We have never walked out completely on each other. Sure, I'll admit, a couple times I left the house and drove down the street, but then I'd turn right around because I didn't WANT to go. I was just throwing a tantrum. Mike has never walked out on me. We've both made each other cry, but in the end, we kiss and make up. And he always kisses me tears away.

I'm not perfect. Being with Mike has helped me to see areas of my life where I can improve, thought processes that don't really make sense that I can change, to become a better person than I already am. And I feel I have done the same with Mike. We know we aren't perfect but we are willing and want to be there for each other. To learn about each other and become stronger.

I never wanted to be with someone the way I am with Mike. In the past, I didn't want a man, at all besides getting me summmmmm when I wanted. On my time. I didn't want to have kids or share a life with someone because I didn't trust anyone enough to do that. But with Mike, we want a life together, we want children. And I am willing to fight tooth and nail to have that with him. I don't care if we have to argue to set things straight because in the end all we want is each other.

And if for some reason *knock on wood* in the future I am to look back at this post and think I'm silly, then fine. At least I'll know that I gave my full effort into someone I love. Mike is my other half and I am his.

"Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another."