Saturday, October 17, 2009

Not an Update, Just Venting

I will be updating my blog soon with pics and an update. Just wanted to drop a quick note... hope y'all don't mind.

I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest. This isn't an update, just a moment of venting. Almost like a journal entry but I'm actually allowing people to see.

Mike is an amazing guy. I am in love with him and I do believe he is my soulmate. And I have always held the belief that I would go through hell and high water for my other half. I accept that people aren't perfect. I don't want someone perfect because then where would all the fun, excitement, and, yes, drama be?

I'm not perfect either. Almost no one sees me at my worst. The days when I don't feel like being nice. When all I do is react back rudely. Not because I am purposely trying to, but usually in times of stress, I become snappy. In the past, no one would see that side of me. Simply because I kept to myself during those times. I didn't want people to see me like that, so I would go workout or make a tutorial, to relieve my stress.

Well, when you are with someone 24/7, like Mike and me, you see the good and the bad of the person. Seriously, Mike and I are attached at the hip. But that's because we WANT to be together all the time. We enjoy each others company. We understand each other.

I can't expect a person to react nicely to me all the time, especially if I come across as having an attitude, which sometimes I don't know if I am or not. In reflection, I can understand why Mike gets angry with me at times when I'm in a bad mood. I can't expect him to be sunshine and clouds all the time.

But even when we are angry with each other, we talk (and argue) it out. I am the kind of person who needs to yap and yap and yap until I feel better, I dunno why. Probably because my mother would make me talk about things over and over again when I was young, like if I were throwing a tantrum. Because it seems to release my tension.

We have never walked out completely on each other. Sure, I'll admit, a couple times I left the house and drove down the street, but then I'd turn right around because I didn't WANT to go. I was just throwing a tantrum. Mike has never walked out on me. We've both made each other cry, but in the end, we kiss and make up. And he always kisses me tears away.

I'm not perfect. Being with Mike has helped me to see areas of my life where I can improve, thought processes that don't really make sense that I can change, to become a better person than I already am. And I feel I have done the same with Mike. We know we aren't perfect but we are willing and want to be there for each other. To learn about each other and become stronger.

I never wanted to be with someone the way I am with Mike. In the past, I didn't want a man, at all besides getting me summmmmm when I wanted. On my time. I didn't want to have kids or share a life with someone because I didn't trust anyone enough to do that. But with Mike, we want a life together, we want children. And I am willing to fight tooth and nail to have that with him. I don't care if we have to argue to set things straight because in the end all we want is each other.

And if for some reason *knock on wood* in the future I am to look back at this post and think I'm silly, then fine. At least I'll know that I gave my full effort into someone I love. Mike is my other half and I am his.

"Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another."


18 comments:

  1. hi stephanie, i stalk your blog and always love all your fotds and tutorials. thanks for sharing. loving a man isn't easy--- men and women see things so differently... but i hope things work out with you guys... this is a quote that i always read whenever i'm pissed at my hubs-- "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." :)

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  2. Stephie, you are inspirational. I have walked out a few times and driven around the corner and that was as far as I went cause, you're right. It's just a tantrum. We both have wonderful guys in our lives and OMG, the things they put up with. hehe

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  3. thank you ladies, i am glad someone understands me out there! i agree, men and women see things differently, so inevitably there's going to be a disagreement.

    sally: i love that quote!!!

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  4. it's definitely hard letting someone see who you really are, all 110% of you and all of your moods. i definitely had a problem keeping my anger/mood swings away from my ex (though that wasn't why we broke up, haha) and it's impossible now that i live with my current bf. it's such a blessing and curse to love and want to be with someone 100% of the time but it sounds like you're making the best of it and i'm glad that neither of you have walked out on each other! that's always a good sign :) it sounds like you two really are soul mates, and i'm so happy for you!

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  5. I'm very emotional, meaning angry, sad and sometimes act like a little brat when fighting and I have walked out many times as well, but as you grow older we all learn to think in a different way and everything that happens, happens for a reason right?;)

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  6. I feel you girl! it's nice to know i'm not the only one that feels that way. you & mike seem great together! as long as he puts a smile on your face everyday =)

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  7. i can relate to this post. sometimes you just need to take a breather here and there and despite the tough bumps in the road, at least you'll end up where you want to be for the right reasons with the right person. Good Luck with everything.

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  8. I am happy that you found your one and only! Right now I feel like how you are before, no guy has ever made me want to be with them or trust them enough.

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  9. I can also relate to this post..espcially when you said about walking out on each other. I did the same thing a lot of times,but I would always end up coming back to his house or he would come outside and talk to me.

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  10. Aww Stephie! I really enjoyed your blog entry! I've missed you! You and Mike seem like a very beautiful couple! :)

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  11. totally agree hun! communication is the best thing in a relationship and without it, it's hard to really get to know each other's deepest fears and secrets. how are you going to understand where the other person is coming from if they don't open up and reveal why they are the way they are. you take the ugly with the good in relationships but deep down, after everything is said and done, you are left with a solid foundation of love. hang in there girly, i wish all the best to you and mike. =)

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  12. Well, that was a mouth full, but full of truth, I have been with my husband for 15 years and there have been those times when I have wanted to walk away (very recently in fact) but I have always been of the belief that it is always easier to walk instead of stay and if you truly want to grow and be a better person you have to the relationship your all befor throwing your hands up. It takes two though and no relationship can withstand if only one person does all the work.

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  13. HEY! okay ive never had boy friend hehe but i can relate on the part where you said you need to talk things out
    and i totally think its a good thing its easier to forgive and forget that way, especially the forget part because you dont want to be in a future argument bringing up old history .

    so i think you do the right thing by talking things out thouroughly keep it up =D

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  14. I know what you mean. I love my DH so much but there are times when stress and "life" gets in the way and then there's the constant attention that my kids want. *sigh*

    But you know what, if you really think that you guys are soulmates and want a future together then hang in there. Through the good and the bad. It'll all be worth it in the end!

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  15. hey steph, i just recently found your blog and i love your tutorials and such :)

    back to your entry, i completely know how you feel. i've been with my guy for close to 3 years now, and when you say "the days when i don't feel like being nice", i have those days aLOT and my babe somehow puts up with it. there's a lot of stuff that i'm amazed that he tolerates, and honestly, at this point, you're old enough to know what you really need. Everyones had those past relationships that were really just a waste of time until the right one came around. you really know its love when the arguments really don't mean anything anymore. i remember being in relationships when arguments were just the beginning of the end. i don't have to deal with that nonsense anymore and you don't either. you two seem to really love eachother, and when the both of you bring out the best in eachother, you know its real love.

    "And I am willing to fight tooth and nail to have that with him."
    that's commitment. :) &cute!

    goodluck, tho you won't need it*

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  16. Glad to know your perspective. He sounds like a great guy and I am definitely looking forward to more posts about him. Definitely sounds like my first year of marriage. Glad you're getting this part out of the way. The sweeter part is fast approaching! <3

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  17. Hey stephie,
    I know it might be hard sometimes, but how you handle the tough times is HUGE in a relationship. I think i can relate, because my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 1/2 years now; we have had our share of fights. My boyfriend and I have fights and stuff, but at the end of the day we know nothing is going to come between us... We never go to bed mad at each other (I couldn't fall asleep anyways), and everything seems to just work itself out when we are both calm . Sometimes you might need a breather, but don't just walk away or ignore the situation! I hope you and Mike are doing well, and don't worry everything will be fine in the end.

    I know this is TOTALLY UNRELATED, but i was wondering if you could do a post or video on fitness/diet? LOL i am a petite asian girl as well, and I saw that you mentioned you loved to do lunges from a cute backside, and that is definetely one of my goals as well. You seem to be in great shape, and I just thought that I would throw this request in here.

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  18. This is beautiful. I can only hope to find someone to have something like that with too. I hope all will stay well with you two<3

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I love reading your comments & communicating with y'all! Please leave any comments, feedback, suggestions or requests for me and I'll definitely get back to you! XO